Choosing Yourself

Choosing Yourself: A Biblical Perspective on Boundaries and Self-Care

Choosing yourself—especially when it means creating distance from someone you love—is often one of the hardest decisions you can make. It is not an act of selfishness or cruelty but a necessary step for your own well-being. In fact, the Bible speaks to the importance of taking care of yourself, and sometimes that means making difficult decisions that protect your peace.

Loving Yourself Through God’s Eyes

The guilt you feel when making such a decision is not a sign that you’ve done something wrong. Instead, it’s a reflection of your deep care and compassion. You are someone who values relationships and desires to avoid causing pain to others. However, sometimes minimizing someone else’s pain means that you have to maximize your own—and this is where the challenge lies. But even in the midst of the challenge, the Bible reminds us that our well-being is important to God.

In Matthew 22:39, Jesus teaches us the importance of loving others: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Notice that Jesus emphasizes the necessity of loving yourself first. The command is not to love others at the expense of your own health, emotional well-being, or peace. We are instructed to love others as we love ourselves. If you’re neglecting your own needs and peace in favor of others, you’re not fully following this command.

The Struggle of People-Pleasing and Setting Boundaries

For those with people-pleasing tendencies, this choice to prioritize yourself can feel excruciating. You may have spent most of your life putting others first—sacrificing your own peace to make others comfortable. The idea of disappointing or hurting someone, even unintentionally, can seem unbearable. However, Proverbs 4:23 offers wisdom on this matter: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

When we allow others to take precedence over our own needs for too long, we can neglect our hearts—our true selves. God’s Word calls us to protect our hearts, which means making decisions that preserve our peace and well-being. Setting boundaries is not a sign of weakness but of strength in honoring what God has created in you.

Loving Without Self-Sacrifice to the Point of Destruction

Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life at all costs. Love does not demand that you sacrifice yourself to the point of self-destruction. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, we are reminded that love is patient, kind, and does not dishonor others. It does not demand the impossible. Sometimes, loving someone from a distance—especially when their presence harms you—can be the most loving choice you make.

God calls us to love, but He also calls us to steward our lives in a way that honors Him and ourselves. The decision to choose yourself, though painful, is an act of self-preservation, not a lack of love. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God sees your pain and understands the emotional struggle of choosing what’s best for you, even if it feels impossible.

The Pain of Distance and the Peace of Honoring Your Needs

Choosing yourself often involves a period of painful distance—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. The ache of stepping away from someone you love is real. Yet, Romans 8:18 offers perspective: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” God acknowledges that suffering is real, but He also assures us that there is purpose and greater joy beyond the pain of the present moment.

The pain of staying in something that drains you, however, is often far worse. John 10:10 reminds us of God’s desire for our lives to be full: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Choosing yourself is not selfish; it’s an act of aligning with God’s desire for you to live a life of peace, joy, and abundance.

Honoring Your Peace and Well-Being

Choosing yourself is a difficult but necessary decision. When we choose to honor our own well-being, we are not acting out of selfishness but out of wisdom and self-preservation. The guilt that often accompanies these decisions is a sign of your love and care, but it’s important to remember that God wants you to thrive—not just survive. Your peace matters to Him, and it matters to you.

In Isaiah 41:10, God promises: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” When you choose to prioritize your mental and emotional health, trust that God is with you, strengthening you every step of the way.

Conclusion: Trusting God in the Hardest Decisions

Choosing yourself is one of the hardest decisions you may ever make, especially when it means creating distance from someone you love. Yet, it’s essential to remember that this choice is not an act of harm, but an act of self-preservation. The Bible teaches us to love others as we love ourselves, and part of that self-love involves setting boundaries that protect our peace. God is with you in this process, offering strength, wisdom, and comfort. Trust in Him as you navigate the pain and the peace that come with choosing what’s best for you. Your well-being is not only worth protecting—it’s part of how God created you to live fully and abundantly.